Count It All Joy Read online

  “I’m not going to preach today, but I am going to say what Christmas is not. It’s not about jingling bells or snowmen, reindeer or elves,” Pastor Martin said. “It’s not even about pretty decorations, parties, or receiving gifts. The meaning is deeper than this. You see, Jesus is our gift, and His gift to us is His love. The very miracle of His birth and life is what we celebrate during this season, not the commercial items we are bombarded with in the media every day. No matter how hard they push us to buy, buy, buy, Jesus is still king and He still sits on the throne. So sing a song about Him today and get into the real holiday spirit. Come to Jesus.”

  Then the choir sang “Oh Come All Ye Faithful,” followed by an altar call.

  The church was so packed with volunteers, members, and nonmembers alike that cleanup was not easy. Afterward, I sat down on the cafeteria bench, took off my pumps, and rubbed my sore feet.

  “Told you that you should’ve worn your sneakers,” Joshua whispered in my ear.

  “Oh, leave me alone.” I waved him away and laughed.

  Later, Joshua, Lilah, and I hopped into the Navigator and headed to the Benning’s house for dinner.

  While we were riding I wondered what antics of Mother Benning’s we would face this time.

  There was always something going on with that woman; like nothing I did ever pleased her. It was a mystery to me how Bishop Benning managed to stay married to her—and managed to stay sane at the same time. I sighed and put on a fresh layer of lipstick so I could start out on the right foot.

  When we arrived, Mother Benning met us at the door in a charming gold-colored shoulderless dress. I didn’t recognize the fabric, but it looked very expensive. Her shoes were gold colored also. Probably Steve Madden I guessed since she’d once declared that he was her favorite brand.

  “Merry Christmas, darlings,” she said, hugging Joshua and I at once.

  “Merry Christmas, Mother Benning,” I said.

  Joshua gave his mother a peck on the cheek. “Merry Christmas, Mother.”

  Then Mother Benning reached down and picked up Lilah. “Come and give your Big Mommy a kiss.”

  I hated when she said that. “Big Mommy” stole all the momminess away, and there was none left for me. I smiled and watched the perfect loving interaction between Lilah and her grandmother, secretly hoping that one day I’d have a part in it.

  Mother Benning smelled of raspberries, and I wondered if she had been baking a raspberry pie. Looking at her glamorous outfit, it didn’t seem likely. She wasn’t the domesticated type. In fact, I was pretty sure that Angelina, the cook, had prepared the entire meal.

  “Big Mommy. Big Mommy,” Lilah said.

  “How is my beautiful granddaughter on this Christmas?” Sister Benning hugged Lilah tightly. Then she led us inside to the formal dining room where she had the table set. A swan-shaped crystal vase full of fresh orchids sat in the center of the table. Huge, original African paintings lined the walls, along with various African artifacts gathered from her many mission trips to the continent. Somehow, I had trouble picturing Mother Benning on any mission but her own. One of the paintings captivated me because the eyes of one of the African warriors were so piercing. It was as if he could see me looking at him. The collection was quite impressive.

  Everything else was exquisitely elegant and tasteful; the gold-plated dishes, the selection she played on the grand piano, the vegetable-stuffed honey-roasted turkey, everything except Mother Benning’s attitude, which eventually became funky, of course.

  Mother Benning tilted her head to the side. “Why, Alex, dear, have you done something different with your hair?”

  I immediately felt self-conscious since my hair was only tucked back in a ponytail, and hers hung flawlessly around her shoulders. “No, ma’am, I haven’t really done much with it at all, to tell the truth.”

  “Oh, I see,” she smirked.

  “Joshua, have you given any more thought to taking over Kingdom House and blessing your parents’ hearts?”

  Joshua had a slight smile on his face. “I’d love to bless your heart, Mom, but no, I haven’t changed my mind.”

  “Well, I guess you want us both to die then,” she said.

  Joshua clapped his hands and laughed. “Come on, Mother. Please stop with the drama.”

  “Oh, I’m just getting started,” she smiled.

  Eventually, Bishop Benning came downstairs and joined us at the table. He looked frail, barely spoke, and practically stumbled back to his room as soon as he had finished eating.

  All in all, it wasn’t the worst visit I had with Joshua’s parents. However, it was my first Christmas dinner without my sister, and it really began to affect me. When we were children, Christmas was always big in our house, even when we didn’t have many material things. Mama always made us a big dinner with whatever she had, and it wasn’t always a traditional Christmas dinner either. It didn’t matter to Taylor and me as long as we were all together. Mama usually cranked up the radio really loud as the stations played all the Christmas favorites. If she were in a really good mood she would even play “Silent Night” on her guitar while Taylor and I gathered around to sing. Yes, Mama played the guitar and used to be in a band when she was younger. That explained some of her wild side.

  She was very talented. Sometimes Aunt Dorothy would come over with our cousins Nehemiah and Jeremiah. They were terrors, but we still had fun playing together. Even one Christmas when our power was off, we went out to eat at McDonald’s, celebrated with candles, and went to bed early. Mama never complained about anything during Christmastime. Instead, she’d always say, “It’s not about us. It’s about Jesus.” Then she would find someone who was in a worse position than she was in and help them. Even during her roughest times, that was what Mama did, helped people. I missed her during this time of year most of all.

  Taylor was having dinner with Keith, Aunt Dorothy, and Dad. I missed them all, but I was grateful to be having dinner with my new family.

  The evening was long and not the most festive, but we survived it and came out shining.

  The very next day, unfortunately, we received a frantic call from Joshua’s mother. She was crying and begging us to get to the hospital fast because Joshua’s father was having heart pains and was having trouble breathing. She feared that he was having a heart attack and they were on their way to the hospital in an ambulance.

  “Oh, Lord, please let Bishop Benning live,” I whispered before grabbing my purse and heading out behind Joshua. One quick stop to drop off Lilah at Mrs. Johnson’s and we were on the road.

  When Mother Benning called to announce that her husband had been rushed to the emergency room, Joshua and I immediately began to pray. We knew his condition was already fragile and that we would need divine healing power to get us through this ordeal.

  As we arrived at the hospital, we ran into Pastor Martin in the lobby.

  “Hello, Pastor Martin,” Joshua and I said in unison as if it were planned.

  “Hello, Josh. Alex.” Pastor Martin hugged us both with one of those quick church hugs, the kind where none of your body parts touched, except, of course, arms touching back. “Your mother called me, and I came right over. I just left your father’s side. Good thing I was already in the area.”

  “Yes, it’s a good thing,” Joshua said. “We’ve been praying the whole way over here.”

  Pastor Martin’s eyes narrowed. “I know what you mean. Your father is a good man and Satan had better know we’re not going to give him up that easily.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, Pastor.”

  “Yes, thanks.” Joshua tried to hide it, but he looked worried.

  “I’ll be going now because I’ve got another emergency on the other side of the city, but I’ll be back tomorrow.” Pastor Martin put on his hat and headed out the door. “Good night.”

  “Good night,” Joshua and I said, again in unison.

  We walked over to the front desk where a tall Jamaican lady gave us direction
s to the ICU. We took the elevator upstairs in silence. The fluorescent lighting illuminated the plain white walls, as well as carefully placed instructional signs. I didn’t like hospitals at all, not since Mom died in one. It was too quiet, and way too gloomy.

  As soon as we turned the corner, Mother Benning walked over to us. “Joshua. Alex.”

  “Hi, Mother,” Joshua said.

  “Hello, Mother Benning.” I reached out to hug her, but she walked right past me.

  Mother Benning threw her arms around Joshua. “Thankfully, it was only a false alarm and not a heart attack, but they’re going to keep him overnight. His doctor wants to watch him closely because he’s so weak.”

  Mother Benning led us to his room. After spending a few minutes with Brother Benning, a doctor came in and asked us to leave the room so he could be examined. Since his vital signs were better, we were allowed back in but not before the doctor spoke to us briefly about his condition. The doctor explained that the prostate was a walnut-sized structure that made up the man’s reproductive system and the problem was that it was wrapped around the urethra, which carries urine out of the body. It was amazing to me that one body part out of order could cause so much trouble. It was just like Taylor always said, “You gotta start taking better care of yourself.”

  I remembered Mama and how cancer ate up her body. She used to call out for Taylor and me all the time during her last days. All she wanted before she died was to know that Taylor would soon give her life to the Lord and get back in church. That was all she ever asked about and all Taylor did was say, “Yes, Mama.” Then she’d slip away to go to some party or to hang out with some loser while our mother’s life ebbed away. I wanted to strangle her back then. I wanted to hurt her for her selfishness until one day while I was sitting by Mama’s bedside, Mama helped me to realize that Taylor was hurting just as much as I was.

  Mama, in all her fifty-five years of wisdom, told me that since Taylor wouldn’t trust God, her wild behavior was just her way of dealing with the situation. She clubbed until she couldn’t club anymore, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop her. Not until, of course, God intervened, and her life of partying became her prison. I swallowed hard as the pain from the memory faded.

  The doctor talked about the radiation oncologist and the results of his treatments so far.

  It was a very technical discussion, and I must admit that I tuned out most of it. About two minutes later, Mother Benning started in on us.

  “Joshua, I hope you’ve reconsidered your position, especially since we almost lost your father today.” Mother Benning looked directly at Joshua.

  “I’m sorry, Mother, but I haven’t,” Joshua said. “I can’t.”

  Mother Benning stood directly in front of my husband. “Can’t? Are you telling me that even seeing your father here in the hospital, you’re still not willing to help out?”

  “I told you that I’d help out in any way I can, any way other than pastoring KingdomHouse of Prayer Church. I will be too busy pastoring my own church.”

  “Oh, please.” Mother Benning waved him away with her hand. “You’re barely out of seminary school.”

  “Mother, that was just a formality anyway,” Joshua said. “The school didn’t call me. Jesus did.”

  “You were always so stubborn—just like your father.”

  Bishop Benning tried to sit up in bed. “Get off the boy, Mirriam. Let him be.”

  “Are you all right, dear?” Mother Benning ran over to his side.

  “I will be when you stop badgering our son.” Bishop Benning, obviously in a lot of discomfort, strained to get out his words.

  Mother Benning stroked her husband’s hair and didn’t say a word. She continued to watch Joshua from the corner of her eye.

  I sat and watched my husband look helpless. Not at all the strong-minded man of God I’d married. He looked like a little boy, Mirriam’s boy. And I didn’t like it not one bit. I liked to think of myself as a strong woman, and I needed my man to be strong, especially against the wiles of the devil. Not that his mother was the devil, but sometimes I thought she let the devil use her more often than any of us wanted to admit.

  I mean, none of us had perfect relationships with our parents, and I certainly had my own ups and downs with mine, but I believed in a mother letting her child grow up and live life without constant interference. And that’s what Mirriam Benning was—constant interference.

  I sighed because fate had me in an uproar again. By the time Joshua and I stepped out of the room into the private waiting area, Mother Benning came charging in behind us. I could see her twisted eyebrows a mile away. Was this the first lady whose job was to co-watch over people’s souls? I winced at the irony.

  Mother Benning bent her lips into an awkward smile and spoke slowly. “I have a proposition for the two of you.” She rubbed her diamond-clad hands together.

  Joshua shook his head frantically. “Mother, I—”

  “Now just hold on. Since you obviously have made up your mind that you want to start a little ministry of your own, and that’s okay too ...” Dressed in an all-white wool pantsuit with three-quarter length sleeves, Mother Benning fondled an eye-catching diamond bracelet as she spoke.

  Joshua sighed. “Nice of you to acknowledge that.”

  She took a deep breath. “Anyway, your father and I could help you with that. We could—”

  “Oh no. You can’t buy me, Mother.”

  “Really? Weren’t we funding your little international adoption venture? I didn’t hear any complaints about that.”

  “That’s different. That’s not a venture. It’s a child’s life, a human soul,” Joshua said.

  “Well, this is your father’s life and our life together. Don’t you care about that?”

  “Of course, I care, but I’ve explained to you before what I’ve been called to do. It’s been clear for a while now.”

  “Oh, I know. I know. That’s your calling, you say, to be a little minister in a little local church, to tear down the walls of hypocrisy ...” Mother Benning threw her slim arm into the air. “I’ve heard it all before.”

  “Right.” Joshua sighed. “I want to build my church from the ground up. That’s what God told me to do.”

  “It’s very commendable, son, but not very realistic. Can’t you see how desperate we are?

  We didn’t expect your father to retire so soon. Can’t you do both? I mean, have your little church and run Kingdom House at the same time?”

  “Mother, please,” Joshua started.

  Mother Benning continued. “I can get people to help you, to volunteer, of course, and then you’d be free to—”

  Joshua sighed and rubbed his forehead. “To do what it is you and Dad want me to do?”

  “Yes, I’m afraid so,” Mother Benning said.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t do both. I can help out, but I’ve got to stay true to the vision that’s in my heart.”

  Mother Benning poked out her full lips. “Does that vision include your little international adoption?”

  I immediately remembered the day Joshua told her that we wanted to adopt Kiano.

  Since Joshua was still paying for school along with mounds of debt accumulated by his deceased wife, Mother Benning knew he wouldn’t have the extra money necessary to pay all the expensive legal fees. So she stood up boldly and volunteered to help with the cause, saying she’d love to have an addition to the family. She said Lilah would enjoy having a big brother, and that being a grandmother was the best job in the world. Apparently not. All her words—lies—swirled around in my head.

  Joshua looked her directly in the eyes. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that if you won’t take over for your father, we’ll have to hire someone else,and then I’ll be forced to withdraw my financial support for your Kenya project.”

  “Mother, you wouldn’t.” Joshua put his hands on top of his head.

  Mother Benning took out her checkbook and waved it aro
und in his face. “I would. I’ll do what I’ve got to do.”

  “I thought this was about doing God’s will,” Joshua said.

  “Don’t tell me about God’s will. Was it God’s will for your father to fall sick like this? Was it God’s will for me to miscarry what would’ve been your older brother? Maybe he would’ve been the one to be concerned about his father.”

  Joshua looked like he was choking. “Don’t do this.” “I’m just protecting my husband’s legacy.” Mother Benning didn’t hesitate.

  “This is blackmail,” Joshua said.

  “Call it whatever you like.” She became louder. “You and your little Mother Theresa wife over there don’t have a clue about what it takes to build a ministry.”

  “Mother Benning—please don’t do this,” I said. Joshua stepped in. “You can’t do this to an innocent kid who we’ve already told that we’re adopting.”

  “My hands are tied.” Mother Benning put the checkbook away.

  I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I couldn’t believe a woman of God could be so heartless. “We’re not just going to sit back and watch you mess up a little boy’s life.”

  Then Mother Benning’s hand went up again in my face. “Sweetie, you’re already way out of your league. Stay out of this.”

  I sat down, not out of defeat, but out of respect for Joshua.

  “Mother, you can’t be serious.” Joshua’s eyes filled up with tears.

  “I’m as serious as a heart attack.” Mother Benning took up her mink coat and walked to the door. “This is about survival of the fittest and may the best man or woman win.”

  Chapter Seven

  Joshua

  The awkward silence in the small off-white waiting area made it seem like a tomb. There were other concerned families in there sitting on the soft gray chairs and waiting, some grieving. Mother seemed oblivious to them all. She seemed to only care about herself, and her agenda.